Well, it’s been forever since I last blogged…I think my last post was sometime at the beginning of COVID in 2020…more than four years ago! There are many reasons for not writing/blogging since then. Honestly, most of it has to do with the stress of that time period and the very “dark” period we went through with the isolation and behaviors that we encountered with both Matthew and Isaac. We all have a COVID era story.
Much has happened on the Troupe front. Hannah married Adam, John and Megan gave us our first grandchild, Adam and Hannah are expecting in October, I changed jobs and Theresa became a travel agent. There is an updated family photo in the right column (if you are on a desktop or tablet).
So, why did I choose to blog today? Well, this day, July 4 represents one of the hardest days that Theresa and I have ever experienced…it is burned into our memory and is…”still a thing”. There are other dark days/times but this is up there. We just celebrated Matthew’s 23rd birthday a few days ago. When Matthew was born there were more questions than answers about his health and what we may be dealing with. On this day, 23 years ago we received a call from the NICU that Matthew had been placed on a ventilator. He was getting sicker and the prognosis was not favorable. Both Theresa and I had decided that we needed a “normal” day for our two young daughters and planned on not going to the hospital that day…we spent it going to a parade and the fireworks. We both recalled sitting in the front seat of our car crying until our eyes hurt while the girls twirled sparklers and waited for the fireworks.
I think I decided to “talk” about this because I think I am ready to admit, as Theresa and I have admitted to each other over the past few years that “It is still a thing”. The thing is PTSD and Caregiver Burnout. We have 23 years of pent up symptoms. Depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, numbness, detachment from family and friends, emotional disconnect, loss of empathy, migraines, stomach disorders, eating disorders, and many other medical conditions, (I had a heart attack 4 years ago), etc. The list is as longs as the surgery/procedure list for both of our boys which tops out at over 150.
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg”
Unknown
Our reaction and how we handle the circumstances that come our way will define the outcome. As hard as it has been we believe we were specifically chosen to walk this road. We wouldn’t have asked for this but we also wouldn’t have experienced and witnessed the unique fingerprints of God. Miracles, yes, miracles in the form of gifted hands of doctors, surgeons and nurses. Miracles in circumstances where people reached out or when God connected the dots and needs were met by people who where listening to a calling to help even though the need was never spoken aloud.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Over the years we have learned to take vacations, take time outs, even if it means just to get out of the house to go to the store. We often take separate times away so we can totally disconnect while the other is “all in”. We do try to get together time too. We are fortunate that just in the past year or more our confidence in our team of support that includes nurses, caregivers, therapists, teachers, etc. and the blessing that the boys have adult siblings who are able and willing to help cover gaps have allowed us to take a few breaks together, alone. Even with intentionally working at taking breaks, the constant 24/7 care for one is hard…add a second one, each with different behavior and medical needs, and it can be overwhelming. As hard as it can be…there are many blessings along the way. We find joy in simple things and even small “wins” when they come. We find our strength in each other and in a God who cares for us deeply.
“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.’”
Matthew 11:28–30:
Are we okay? The short answer is “yes”. But, the long answer is that we need help. In fact, there are many out there who are caring for a parent, a spouse, or a loved one who are experiencing the same as us. We need help, mostly in praying for us and for the ones we are caring for. Most caregivers live from crisis to crisis with no physical or mental break…just knowing people are praying for them “in the storm” can be reassuring. Other ways are to help with a word of encouragement, a listening, non judgmental ear, an offer to help with an errand or other tasks. Many needs are never verbalized due to the complex nature of being a caregiver, especially when that care has been given over multiple years…or decades.
One last thought…be open to what the Holy Spirit may be asking you to do for someone. Sometimes we are just afraid that the thought we had to reach out meant nothing, or so little…to someone who is in need, that little gesture may be HUGE at that moment.
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